Thoughts from Kate
by katt112891
Summary: Basically Kate's stream of consciousness about Castle, partially set during Anatomy of a Murder. One-shot.  Rated T only because I can't imagine my 11-year-old sister reading it.


This is definitely the first time I've written anything for Castle. I've only written one other story before, and it was for Smallville a few years ago, so be kind please. This is basically the results of my Castle marathon the other day and wondering (realistically) what Kate is thinking about Castle sometimes, an idea which I know has been done multiple times. My mind wouldn't shut up, so this jumpy randomness is what happened. :) And I own nothing of these characters or this show, unfortunately.

Thoughts from Kate

Sometimes I glance up from my desk, see him chatting with the boys before bringing me my coffee, which I actually do appreciate. And the daily sight occasionally (okay, maybe always) gets me thinking about him. I don't know what it is exactly. But it seems that I've been doing a lot of thinking about him lately, and it's driving me crazy that I can't figure out why. Sure, he is mildly good-looking (translation: wildly, insanely attractive, but I can't even admit that to Lanie), but his playboy attitude is way too off-putting. But he has gotten better about it. He doesn't seem to be sleeping around nearly as much as he used to, but then how can I really know unless the women are involved with cases?

I don't know. Sometimes it seems like it's just an act: a child putting on a show to occupy himself or to attract attention. And I see the way he is with his mother and Alexis, and it just gives me this feeling of basically, I want this man. But how can I be sure that that's who he really is? He always manages to insert some shallow line about women into the conversation. What he said yesterday, something about why would you do something for a woman if you're not trying to sleep with her? He'd certainly never say that around Alexis, and he'd probably kill a guy who said that and was interested in Alexis. But then afterward Esposito told me that Castle would probably kill a man who said that and was interested in me, and I just don't believe that. Maybe I want to believe it, but I don't see it. It's true that he seemed to get very jealous and competitive with Demming around last spring, but I was just ignoring it until Esposito explained Castle's reasoning behind going to the Hamptons. But then he just left me – us, I mean, us - last summer to write his book and spend time with Gina. It's like we never even existed. I thought he enjoyed spending time with us. Maybe I teased him too much; I probably wouldn't do it if he didn't get under my skin but, man, does he get me all riled up. And then sometimes (an awful lot of the time), he is really hilarious. Or he'll just give you this cute little smile that makes you wonder why you were resisting him in the first place. Or he'll look at you with all sincerity in his eyes and you just melt away, and you feel sure he feels it, too. Cue awkward moment.

But back to the Hamptons. Thinking about it, he definitely doesn't give up that easily. But is that what he was doing when he went to the Hamptons? Giving up because he thought I had no interest? It could be; I certainly didn't give him any insight into my feelings. Even though I was trying to do that when Gina, oh, so carelessly, bounced into the station that fateful day (this is just great, now I sound like a writer with a flair for the dramatic). Though I wonder, how much time did he really spend with her if he got the entire book written? I can't imagine he'd be able to write it if he spent a lot of time with her. But that could be wishful thinking, because he did get one book written while he was spending a good amount of time shadowing me. But then, we didn't know each other as well when he completed the first book, and he obviously couldn't get the second one written without getting away. So maybe I did have an effect on him. Once again, this is probably wishful thinking.

And here I go again, thinking that I want him and want him to want me. I have got to find someone else before I go completely insane. All this focus on him without any answers just gives me migraines, and I really haven't had many of those in the past few years. Speaking of migraines, why was he so insistent about finding her murderer? I'm having a hard time believing that it was just for his book, because I've found that he really isn't that selfish. In fact, he seems to have a very big heart. Maybe that is why I love his books so much – his personality is transferred onto the page. I don't know. Ha, that's apparently the statement of the century. Anyway, why does he continue to shadow me when he apparently thinks he doesn't have a chance? It seems in complete opposition with his rhetorical question yesterday. But who knows why he does anything? Should I give him a clue? And why can't I stop thinking about it? I refuse to admit that I've fallen for him. Though I guess I just did admit it.

Man, he just caught me looking at him and lifted an eyebrow. I've got to control this staring; it's becoming a bad habit, not to mention embarrassing.

*Later that day*

"Don't worry, Castle. I'd getcha out."

Wow. From that look, he totally did not know that he had a chance. Score one for me. I'm almost, kind of, maybe a little certain now that he is not really the playboy, man-whore-type guy he presents himself to the world as.

Taylor Swift's song "Crazier" is making sense. This is a very, very bad thing.


End file.
